prayer.

Prayer and its power have been heavy on my heart lately.

My biggest prayer lately has been that I would be an intentional servant. I want to lead and serve my squad, and my co-leaders with intentionality. I’ve been asking the Lord to show me how to do this. And the answer was simple, “Pray more.”

Jesus was diligent about prayer. When Jesus walked this earth serving us, He did nothing without the Father. His days were spent in prayer, in listening, in following the lead of his Father. How can I expect to do anything here on my own, when everything that Jesus did was in surrender to his Father’s will, when his moments were spent in deep relationship with Him? Jesus was able to be intentional, because He was intentional about time with His Father. He was able to serve in confidence because He knew His Father would answer Him, show up for Him, and provide for Him.

A lot of what we do out here on the field is pray. Pray for those we encounter on the streets, for the homes we visit, for the ministries we are doing, and for one another. And I have recognized even more lately the importance these prayers have.

Whether boldly declared out loud, quickly muttered under our breaths, or recited quietly within our own hearts prayers hold power. They are powerful because they are heard. Over and over again in Scripture, I have been reading the truth that when we call out to him, he hears, and even more, he answers.

When we ask him, he gives. When we seek His heart, we find it. He is a good, good Father and He desires to give His children good gifts and to answer their calls to Him in mighty ways - it’s just who He is.

Two months ago, we spent time praying for a woman named Maria. Every morning, she gets on her knees and meets with the Father. She prays because she rests in the faithfulness of the Lord and knows she is heard by the King. Months ago she asked the Lord for one room if she was worthy, and He gave her not only a room, but a house, and even more, it was free. We also got to pray for her, asking healing for weak knees and for more provision, and although I may never again get to meet Maria in this life, I too can rest in the faithfulness of the Father. That He heard, and He is answering in ways we cannot imagine.

A lot of what we do is pray, and a lot of times, we may not be able to see the fruits of those prayers. We don’t always get to see the healing in the physical, because first He is healing the heart. We don’t get to see the provision right away because He is answering in a bigger way. We don’t always get to see how the Lord shows up or what He is doing in the places we go here in Guatemala.

But still, I move forward, and I keep praying, because time and time again, He has proved His faithfulness and goodness to answer when I call.

Keep praying. God will show He is listening in an amazing way.

& back again

The past few years have been such a wild adventure. Because of your prayer and support I was able to travel to Kenya in 2012 where I was able to work in schools, hospitals, and churches all over the country. Words cannot describe what an incredible, life-changing experience it was. My eyes were opened not just to poverty and a new culture, but also to how mighty our God is and what an identity founded in Him looks like. Upon returning home, I felt called to go back on the mission field - but this time I knew that it was my time to lead my generation into experiencing a new culture and to discovering more about the Lord. I had the incredible opportunity to lead eight beautiful women through Malawi, Uganda, and Tanzania. It was such a blessing to be a part of their journey and to see the Lord transform their lives.

The thing that has touched me the most these past few years is the journey each of these trips has been: I struggled, rejoiced, released the old, and grew into the new. I am so passionate about my generation rising up to bring His kingdom to earth while discovering what a life led by His Spirit looks like.

This year, I have the beautiful opportunity to continue to be a part of that. This September, I will lead forty-one amazing 18-22 year olds on their journey with the Lord overseas as they discover His power and grace. I will be spending nine months traveling through Guatemala, Thailand, and Zambia guiding, empowering, and encouraging these men and women to seek after the Lord and bring His hope and truth to these three countries. 

I would first like to ask for your prayers. This trip is unlike any I have gone on before; I am very excited for the challenge and the new adventure, but would appreciate your prayers for strength and wisdom! Wisdom for my two co-leaders and I to lead in a way that is honoring to the Lord; for safety; for peace for me and my family while I am away; and for the Lord’s will to be done in these countries, in the lives of my team, and in the lives of the people we encounter everyday. Pray for the joy and light of the Lord to radiate in everything we do!

In addition to prayer, if you would like to support me on this journey, you can click the "Support Me" link on the left hand side of this blog.

Thank you so much for your prayers and support over the years, it has changed my life.

I will settle them in their homes, declares the Lord.

"He will roar like a lion. When He roars, His children will come trembling. They will come trembling like sparrows, fluttering like doves. I will settle them in their homes- declares The Lord." 

Hosea 11:10-11

Joy.

We cannot contain our joy from You.

A couple weeks ago I was listening to music while journaling & reflecting on what the Lord has been teaching me & walking me through.

The song I was listening to just kept repeating that line: we cannot contain our joy from You. 

I stopped everything I was doing & started thinking about that. 

“Does the joy of Jesus Christ overflow out of me? Is His joy so evident in my life that it cannot be contained?”

Because it should.
My life should be consumed with Christ & the joy that comes from knowing Him, & FROM HIM KNOWING ME.
The hope, grace, love, & sanctification I find in Christ should translate to an overwhelming joy that literally EXPLODES out of me.

As I look at my own life, I don’t often see that. As I was reflecting on this a dear friend sent me the daily devotion from “My Utmost For His Highest”
I opened it to see the title “My Joy…Your Joy” 
Okay Jesus, let’s talk about joy.

It began with John 15:11--

“These things I have spoken to you, that my joy may remain in you, & that your joy may be full.” 

The joy of Jesus was His absolute self-surrender & self-sacrifice to His Father, THE JOY OF DOING WHAT THE FATHER SENT HIM TO DO. We should delight in doing the will of God. Jesus found joy in serving the Father, in following in what His Father had planned for Him to do.

Jesus wants our joy to be LIKE HIS. Jesus PRAYED that my joy would mirror His own.

Have I allowed Jesus to introduce that joy to me? Have I allowed Him to work in me & USE ME in way that I have experienced this joy?

This world tries to tell me that my joy comes from health, circumstances, location, or seeing God’s work succeed. 

But joy, true joy, is found in living out a relationship + ONENESS with God like Jesus had; in understanding God perfecting, in seeking Him.

Jesus was CLOSE to the Father, He knew His Father’s heart. He took time, even in the busiest seasons, even in the hard seasons, to meet with God. TO POUR OUT HIS HEART, to ask for what he needed, to pray. (And even pray OVER US, this literally blows my mind.)

The first thing that takes me away from the joy of Jesus is overthinking my current circumstances. By dwelling on where I am & what I am doing instead of taking the time I know I need with the Father. By overanalyzing & taking things into my own hands. 

I get so caught up in my own cares & I forget WHO I AM in Christ & WHAT I AM CALLED TO.  

I stop living with the mindset “Your will be done, Oh God.” And instead focus on my own motives. 

Instead of living my purpose on this earth- TO PROCLAIM THE GOSPEL OF JESUS CHRIST & BE THE HANDS & FEET OF JESUS- I live for my purposes, for my worries, for this world. 

When we have a RIGHT relationship with God. Living in ONENESS, COMING BEFORE HIM for more knowledge, more of HIM-- That’s where we find joy.

In pouring out our hearts to Him, in asking for more of Him.
When we do this the Word says, “Out of you will flow rivers of living waters.”
When we live in ONENESS with God. His joy will pour out of us. Explode out of us.

I need to stop living for myself, stop thinking I can do it alone, thinking I am enough & instead live my life hidden in the Father’s heart, living as a fountain in which He can pour His living waters & watching as His joy EXPLODES out of me & blesses others without me even knowing it. 

((Snippets & thoughts taken from "My Utmost For His Highest" Check it out here!))

When my life became a musical.

I've spent about four Sundays here in Uganda, and every Sunday is filled with joyous dancing. Jumping, swaying, stomping, clapping, you name it, I've danced it in Mukono, Uganda, in joyous praise to our God.  One time we even ran laps around the chairs in the sanctuary shouting "Hallelujah", because Jesus is just that good. It's the most joyful and beautiful worship I have ever experienced because  it's free, and raw, and real. 

But my Sunday mornings aren't the only time I have danced these past  four weeks .I spend my days here at the school with the kids; singing in English and Lugandan and dancing in circles. We also live with two teenage girls who are determined to teach me to dance. I've spent many hot, Saturday afternoons in the living room dancing to African music videos as Peace and Aggie teach me traditional Ugandan dances. (Let's be honest, we are mostly just laughing at my lack of dancing skills) Oftentimes, after dinner, you can find the three of us dancing, clapping, and laughing hysterically on the back porch as we teach each other how to dance.
It was after one of these beautiful nights of dancing and laughing that I said, 

"When did my life become musical?"

It seems like these past four months I have danced and sang more that I ever have before. 
Man, Africa loves to dance and sing. 
Not only does Africa love it, but I've spent the past four months with nine other women who absolutely adore worshiping their Creator in song. I  don't think a moment goes by that we are not beautifully singing and shouting in worship; making up songs about whatever we are doing that very moment; pounding out a beat on the tambourine; or freestyle rapping. (Truly not a moment without one of these things, we call ourselves "The Chicken Thuggets, look for us on iTunes someday...)

This trip has taught me a lot about worship, in all it's forms. Before I even left on this trip, the Lord told me that I was on a team of worshipers  And it's evident in all we do.  
Constant singing and worship.
Singing on the streets, on hospital grounds, at schools, in churches, and all the time at home.
Over the sick,the oppressed, and those who are captive to darkness.
Constant song and dance. 

My life really is a musical. 

And really, why should it not be? 
I sing and I dance because my God is mighty and worthy to be praised. 
I sing and I dance because my God is a God of pure, unfailing love. A love that casts out fear; is stronger than death; that lifts my burdens; and a love that's sweeter than any I've ever known.
I sing and dance because my God is pouring this love into my life and singing it over me.
I sing and dance because I am finally LETTING God love me, and as I do my heart is singing and feet are dancing like they  never have before. 
I sing and I dance because I have been REDEEMED. I am saved. I am a new creation. And I am FREE. Free to sing, and dance, and live for Him. 
One of my girls passed me a note last night that read,
"Freedom is so much more than being saved; it's about being alive. As you are right now, you are alive, you are free. Hold onto this feeling; remember this when you feel burdened, you are free! Nothing can keep you from freedom except yourself!" 

And let me tell you I'm more alive and free than I've ever been. So, I hold fast to this feeling of freedom, life, and joy. And I'll choose to dance and sing and live this crazy life of mine as a musical to my King.

"Praise the Lord.

Praise God in his sanctuary;

    praise him in his mighty heavens.

Praise him for his acts of power;

    praise him for his surpassing greatness.

Praise him with the sounding of the trumpet,

    praise him with the harp and lyre,

praise him with tambourine and dancing,

    praise him with the strings and pipe,

praise him with the clash of cymbals,

    praise him with resounding cymbals.

Let everything that has breath praise the Lord.

Praise the Lord."

Psalms 150

The view from our front porch in Mukono, Uganda and a peek at my journal into what the Lord has been teaching me lately.

He sanctifies.

Praise Him.

Sing a new song.

I have a problem.
A problem with comparison  Living in community I am surrounded by beautiful women of God. Women filled with the Spirit  who pour out love on everyone around me deeply and truly. It's so easy to strive to be like them. They radiate and reflect Christ, so why wouldn't I want to be just like them?

Before I  left on this journey, a  couple dear friends reminded me of two things:

#1 That our God is so vast that He created us all uniquely because He needs all to worship Him in  different ways

and

#2 That I cannot try to be or become another mortal being, no matter how spiritual or Christ-like they are.

I will always fall short. I will fall short because I am not that person. I cannot be them no matter how hard I try because that person is uniquely made by their Creator. If I try to conform to who that person is, I will be throwing away pieces of who I was created to be.  I'll be ignoring the way the Lord created me to uniquely worship Him.
Instead, I should strive to be more like Christ. To seek after Him and long to be just like Him.
I'm still going to fall short, but I'll be walking in the fullness of who the Lord created me to be.
I'll still fall short but I am worshiping God in the way He needs me to.
I'll still fall short but I am going to reflect Christ brighter than I ever could through another human.
I'll still fall short but  His grace is enough for me today, tomorrow, and the next day.

The Lord has been teaching me a lot lately about "singing my song"

Psalms 40 begins:
"I waited patiently for the Lord;
He turned to me and heard my cry.
He lifted me out of the slimy pit,
out of the mud and mire;
he set my feet on a rock
and gave me a firm place to stand.
He put a new song in my mouth,
a hymn of praise to our God." 

God has rescued me from the pit. He  has washed me clean of my dirt and shame. He's set my feet on solid ground so I cannot fall. And He's put a new song of praise in my mouth!

A new song.
A song that is mine to sing to my creator.
A song that is mine to sing to my Savior, Healer, and Sanctifies 
He put a song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to Himself. So why, do I try and sing someone else's song? Why do I throw away pieces of my new life and new song to sing tiny pieces of someone else's?
Throw off the chains of comparison and RUN to your Father singing your song of praise! That's what He wants, that's why He created you. Sing your Heaven song, don't seal your lips.
When you do you're going to find that you no longer even desire to sing someone else's song, you no longer even have to compare yourself to other people. Because you'll be chasing after Christ and being Christ-like, you'll be focused on belting your song out to the King.
If you're like me, you've tried to string together measly bits of other people's songs to sing for yourself for so long that when you sing you own song, it's going to sound broken and wrong and you're going to whisper it.

But that's still not what the Lord has called me to. He's called me to proclaim.
So SING. Sing your Heaven song! Belt it out and hit a few wrong notes!
But don't stop singing, don't stop praising. The Creator of the universe loves you and deeply desires YOU. You and your song.
Let God have you. You the one He uniquely created; you the only one He desires; you the only thing you have to give him.
And let God LOVE you, save you, and heal you and then don't be surprised if your heart starts singing songs you've never heard before and your feet start dancing like never before.
It's what He intended  from the start.